Wednesday, March 29

Blind climber believes he’s conquered Everest.

Heath, OH - The Heath chapter of the Make-a-Wish Foundation recently returned from an elaborate ruse that has a 32 year-old blind man believing he’s conquered the world’s tallest peak.

“It’s been a lifelong dream of mine to scale Mt. Everest,” blind as a bat Heath resident, Derek Leahy, said. “Eyeball cancer’s got nothing on me.”

To fool Leahy and grant his wish, the foundation used a Hollywood-style sound stage outfitted with a large industrial-sized fan, a snowmaking machine, a couple tents and a half-empty oxygen canister, among other props.

“The flight was long and bumpy. It was cold on the mountain. But I did it, man. I’ve accomplished a lifelong dream!” Leahy paused for a moment to reflect on his achievement. With a tear spilling from a sightless eye, a quivering lower lip and a wavering voice Leahy finally managed to complete his thought. “Being blind I can almost imagine what it was like to look down on the rest of the world.”

Timothy Fassett, a local hired to play Leahy’s Sherpa for the week, couldn’t help but laugh. “Guy thinks he climbed Everest. Fucker can’t even see.”

The Make-A-Wish foundation had no comment when reached by phone this week. Apparently, everyone's in “Disneyworld” making some blind kid with cancer’s dreams come true.