Thursday, August 10

"Concertgoers" angered by heavy use of charts, graphs.

Columbus, OH — An effort to liven up Buckeye Fasteners Regional Summer Management Meeting Series turned ugly Tuesday when several hundred audience members stormed the stage, destroying a Hughes Series 300 projector, two Dell laptops and three enterprising managers' passion for creative presentations.

"The audience thought they were there to see R&B stars The Pointer Sisters." stated Columbus Police Lieutenant Sharleen Foster. "Little did they realize they were attending a middle management seminar by The Power Pointer Sisters. We got a tip that something was up when we busted a few scalpers outside the convention center."

Foster then held up one of the 'tickets' designed for the 'show.'

"They must have had a really poor selection of fonts," Foster continued, noting the extensive use of Chancery Script and Arial. "and we can't figure out what the chipmunk-playing-guitar clip art has to do with anything."

As police flexi-cuffed several of the rioters, the disappointment in the air was still palpable.

"All I wanted was a man with a Slow Hand ... and I ended up three white dorks in dresses and blackface!" yelled one audience member, being loaded into a waiting police van.

Several others were a bit more forgiving of the mix-up:

"I surmised something was amiss when the 'light show' turned out to be a review of 2005 Q4 Inventory Expenditures in Comparison to Overhead Outlays." said longtime Pointer Sisters fan Maurice Logan. "I guess I would suggest that they turn to JIT inventory metrics as a way to decrease their per-palette binder clip cost ratios. Then again, I'm also a big fan of fastening."

By the time the trio of middle managers were into slide eleven of the 212-slide presentation , the crowd was restless — booing, yelling, and throwing paper at the stage.

"Some guy kept shouting 'Neutron Dance! Neutron Dance!" said Assistant Regional Vice President Mark Mossman, "My first thought was 'they're making a new Tron?!', and my second was 'what does light cycling have to do with dancing?"

Fellow Power Pointer Sister Jared Mangold thought the faux concert atmosphere might help renergize low company morale. "We were told to make things more interesting ... I guess we did.. to the tune of four thousand dollars' worth of A/V equipment damage."

Mangold glumly sat on the convention center steps, his black wig askew and his lipstick smudged.

"I hope that doesn't come out of our paychecks."