Friday, June 19

Homebuilder not happy with work of 'ulterior decorator.'

POWELL, Ohio — Custom homebuilder Jake Geary isn’t seeing eye-to-eye with his client’s choice to help design the look and feel of their new home.

Ryan and Katie Keller hired new Powell resident and ‘home decoration consultant’ Shirley Schwartz to help design the interior and a few exterior touches of their stately new home, which sits at the end of tree-lined Deja View Drive.

"I fear she is slowly but keenly turning this house into a replica of the Brady home on The Brady Bunch." Laments Geary, who feels Schwartz’s vision for the home conflicts with his own.

Indeed, the Keller home has a kitchen with orange countertops, double entry doors, and an exposed staircase, upon which the decorator implored the family to pose for a photograph, each one standing on sequential steps.

Shag carpeting and large dark wood panels accent the main living area. Live-in housekeepers quarters are just beyond the kitchen, even though the family currently does not employ a live-in housekeeper.

Much to Geary’s dismay, future resident Katie Keller is excited by the design decisions. “It’s so retro in a strangely familiar way. It feels like my childhood in here.” Keller also intimated she had a suddenly odd craving for pork chops and applesauce.

"At first, I thought the suggestion to astro-turf the entire backyard was based upon low maintenance and resiliency. Now, I can see it was just another ploy to make this house into the Brady house! It’s madness."

When reached for comment, Schwartz said that if Geary had any complaints, he would be best served by filing them with her attorney and new boyfriend, George Glass.

A quick Google search reveals that Shirley Schwartz is an escaped mental patient from Sherman Oaks, California and is indeed the granddaughter of Brady Bunch creator Sherwood Schwartz. She is also not a licensed interior decorator.