Wednesday, July 15

Area dog kind of an asshole.

Marion, OH - Spirit, the 8 year-old Mastiff that lives down the street, has been quite the asshole lately.

On Monday, He jumped over the fence to take a crap on the neighbor’s lawn. Intentionally. And before that shit could even dry he had mounted Lulu, a 4 year-old Scottish terrier, as she slept peacefully in the noonday sun.

On Tuesday, he spent four hours licking his balls. Probably for no other reason than because he could.

What a dick.

In general, I mean. I wasn’t looking at his dick or anything.

Anyway, the following day, Spirit killed the substitute mailman. Yeah. That’s right. Jumped up from out of nowhere to induce a massive heart attack. The indignity. Falling dead still clutching a stranger’s electric bill and Victoria’s Secret catalog …

Now look at him. Tough guy behind that chain-link fence. Stupid thing doesn’t even see me over here in this camouflaged outfit and face paint.

I bet he’ll be able to smell this juicy poison steak though.

Yeah, that’s it, boy. That’s it.