Monday, July 20

Kim Jong Il “ill” with pancreatic cancer. Hahahahahahahahahahaha!

Somewhere in North Korea – Well, what do you know? There is a God. And He, like the rest of the world, has tired of the antics of lifelong shit-bag North Korean dictator Kim Jong Il.

That bloody stool, it turns out, was not shed “For the people,” as stated in government-controlled press reports. It was the beginning of end-stage pancreatic cancer, one of the more deadly cancers in town. God’s earthly judgment for being such a colossal douche.

Couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy. But it certainly does make you wonder what Patrick Swayze ever did to deserve his pancreatic cancer. Dancing like that would be our guess. But we digress.

North Korean “intelligence” officials deny there’s anything ill with Il. They insist he is, “healthy as horse” and “can’t come to phone right now because he in making love process to hundred sex slave at one moment. He call you back.”

Just tell him the rest of the world called. And so long, sucker.