Wednesday, August 19

Phenomenal success of Heath coffee house attributed to delicious, oh-so-satisfying mocha felatte.

Heath, OH – The line around the block at Bump & Grounds, Heath’s newest morning-friendly establishment, emphatically answers the question, “Who would pay $75 for a lousy cup of coffee?”

That’s because just about every man in a 15-square mile radius can be seen two or three times a week standing in a line extending around the block, at full attention, desperate to cough up money for a hot, steamy mocha fellate.

“The key is to order one with extra cream” Creepy-looking customer Vic Rumfield said.

“Everyone is so friendly.” Barista Ethel Johnson, 81, said, removing her teeth. “We’ve all become extremely close.”

That is all.