Tuesday, January 26

Dear Ann Slanders: What did you think of the movie AVATAR? I thought it was the worst, best-looking movie I’ve ever seen, frankly. And what’s with the eco-imperialism? - A Midwestern Moviegoer

Dear Dipshit: Did we ask for your opinion? No. Thanks though. That piece of shit Cameron, who I heard has a thing for small children, has to be commended — for ripping off Disney’s Pocahontas! First we steal the their land, then he steals their storyline. Nice.

Dear Ann Slanders: The youth of today are the most stupid, impolite, self-centered people on the planet. They know a lot about computers but nothing about history and literature. Plus, they eat like pigs. We should send all of them to Afghanistan to see if the can “Dude” and “Dawg” their way through hostile fire. I’d pay to see them run with their fatigues hanging halfway down their asses. – Pro-abortion in Pataskala

Dear Abortion: I like your style! I’d like you to fill in for me when I’m on vacation.

Ask Ann Slanders is a one-time column/failed experiment you'll probably never have to suffer through again. Unless of course we're pressed for time, in which case we'll shit another one out. That's how we roll.