Thursday, March 18

Area man just likes how Aqua Velva tastes, that's all.

Marion, OH - James Shepherd, 52, smells like a man. He also smells like a man who's been drinking what smells like a man.

"Why, yes, I drink Aqua Velva." Shepherd admits. "But it's got the name 'Aqua' right on it, see, which basically means water ... It's really quite refreshing! And like 50 percent of it is alcohol so it kills germs and stuff on contact."

Combe Incorporated of White Plains, NY, the makers of Aqua Velva, strongly suggest one not drink its product. Instead they encourage you to enjoy the 'cooling, fresh-feeling of the classic re-born American fragrance' on the outside. Ingesting it, they say, can cause the formation of crystals in the kidney that could kill you over time.

"There's simply no way I can stop drinking it. It's too darn delicious." Shepherd said, waving his arms and smelling like some kind of French whorehouse sailor. "I looked long and hard for a Witch Hazel substitute, doshgarnit! You're gonna have to pry this icy blue bottle from my cold, dead, awesome-smelling fingers!"

Opinions from friends and colleagues differ on how drinking after shave affects Shepherd in life and on the job, but they all come to consensus on one point: there's just something about that man.