Thursday, May 6

Area designer launches “Fuxedo” just in time for prom season.

Columbus, OH – Prom night promises to be a magical evening for teenage boys throughout the area this year, especially for those donning designer Jean Vivaldi’s latest creation, the “Fuxedo.”

“Ze Fuxedo iz a tuxzedo you can leave on for make love.” Vivaldi said, wearing one to highlight its features. “On ze beach, in ze hallvay, during ze slow dance, venever and verever.”

“I know what I’m wearing!” Teenager Joseph Wosniak said following the unveiling, throwing his arms up in victory as his girlfriend sat slack-jawed by his side.

“Ze hat iz to draw ze eye away from ze penis.” Vivaldi continued. “Alzo will hide ze “O” face from all ze chaperones.”

“Look at this thing.” Wosniak said later, trying one on for size. “The penis part is actually a condom. And, it’s got tiny pockets hidden inside the sleeves where you can put your keys, your date rape drugs, what have you!”

Area virgin Charles Frizzle added, “It cost me $300 to convince the girl I’m going with to attend, so for $800 this “Fuxedo” better live up to its name.”