Thursday, May 27

"Exotic" dancer actually from Cleveland.

Columbus, OH - A local man filed a frivolous lawsuit today seeking nearly $1 million in damages from Little Darlings, LLC, owners of a number of “exotic” dance clubs in the area. Also named in court documents obtained by The Ledger is Juanita Cox, 38, a recently retired, longtime employee of Little Darlings.

Tyrone G. “Money” Simpson, 45, of Grove City, claims he recently discovered that for the past 20 years he’d been tucking hard-earned dollar bills and the occasional food stamp into the g-string and folds of Ms. Cox believing she was an “exotic” dancer, only to find out she hails from Cleveland, a far less than exotic town 120 miles to the north.

“You’ll have to talk to my lawyer, Holmes.” Simpson said when reached by telephone.

Simpson’s lawyer, surprisingly not named Holmes, said, “My client, over the course of many years, countless lap-dances, champagne sessions, and more than a few parking lot rub and tugs, was led to believe Ms. Cox was an “exotic” from Jamaica, and that the money he gave her was being sent there to save her children from Rastafarian drug lords.”

Club owners have filed a counter-suit claiming Ms. Cox has always referred to herself as an “erotic” dancer and that Mr. Simpson is something of an idiot, which may or may not be for the courts to decide.

“We merely want to ensure that in the future, these strippers concentrate on their clients’ soft erections and not prey on the soft spots men have in their hearts for children threatened by Rastafarian drug lords.” Simpson’s lawyer clarified. “We also want a million dollars, but will settle for 10-grand. Oops ... Did I say that out loud?”

Preliminary arguments begin June 8.