Tuesday, June 8

Serial entrepreneur had business plans buried in basement.

Heath, OH – Jeremy Snodgrass, 53, owner of a number of businesses in central Ohio, including the ‘Squeaky Clean Car Wash’ on Route 3, and ‘Dolores’s Downtown Rub and Tug’ among others, was arrested yesterday by Federal authorities and taken into custody on multiple charges including tax evasion and prostitution.

“I’ve known Jeremy for years.” A neighbor said. “Quiet guy. Kept to himself mostly … He tried to get me to invest in a couple companies he was putting together. One a geriatric pet store concept and the other a jewelry company specializing in ‘Face-lets’ or something, which I imagine are bracelets … for the face. Fuck, I don’t know.”

“Mr. Snodgrass had a number of businesses operating beyond the money-grubbing auspices of the federal government and the state of Ohio.” One of the FBI agents involved in the arrest said. “Operating businesses will not be tolerated … I mean … you know what I’m trying to say.”

A female agent waving business plans found hidden in a shallow grave in a dark corner of the Snodgrass basement chimed in, “What he’s trying to say is if we hadn’t stepped in, assuming an infusion of initial capital of course, your children would’ve someday been munching on one of ‘Aunt Millie’s Munchy Moist Muffins,’ or, God-forbid, wearing … Cargo socks! Oh, and look at this one — ‘Snodgrass’s Surefire Oil Spill Clean-up and Containment System' … I’d say we put a stop to all this just in time.”

Snodgrass, owner of ‘J. Snodgrass Do-it-Yourself Legal Services,’ will be defending himself in the case.