Thursday, August 26

War hero’s foot-crafted jewelry now 95% off!

Columbus, OH - Frank Stinson of ‘Frank Stinson’s Gold & Silver Costume Creations’ is slashing prices on all his gold and silver costume creations!

“I’m making room for my 2009 fall collection, which is a little late in coming because, well, no hands.” Frank said, eyeballing the grotesque stumps protruding from either side of his body.

A combat veteran of two Iraqi conflicts, Frank lost both arms just below the shoulder to an IED. In 2008, after a full year at Walter Reed Hospital where it became clear an adequate prosthesis would never be found, he gave God the metaphorical finger and started working with his feet.

“It’s been tough. Especially working the cash register.” Frank said. “I know just what that unarmed robber was going through last week when the teller tried to hand him the money … Sometimes you forget you don’t have hands until you actually try to do something—like rob a bank or take a piss.”

Good news. The 95% off sale will continue until all of Frank’s creations are sold, including pieces entitled ‘Ball,’ (pictured) ‘Blob,’ ‘Flat’ and ‘Snake.’