Thursday, September 9

I should have killed one of the other Beatles.

By Mark David Chapman

By now you’ve probably heard I was denied parole for the sixth time last Tuesday. It’s clear I’m never getting out of here. It was almost 30 years ago, people! Forgive. Forget. Move on. Does a ‘danger to society’ have a bad back, bum knees and hemorrhoids? No!

It’s quite clear I killed the wrong fucking guy.

I should have shot Paul. I could have spared the world his politics, all that PETA bullshit, vegetarianism. And rest assured, I wouldn’t have waited until 1980 either. Those last few Wings albums? Jesus Christ!

And who would have given a shit if I had killed George? The Maharishi? Please. This guy had a miserable life. Eric Clapton stole his girl. He got attacked with a knife. Cancer. Killing George would have simply been fulfilling the Lord’s wishes.

Don’t even get me started on Ringo. Homeless kids play 5-gallon pail drums better than that son of a bitch. And we’ve been paying for "Thomas the Tank Engine" too goddamn long. Bang! I could have nipped that shit in the bud.

Either of those three guys and I’d be chillin’ on a beach somewhere with my boyfriend Tyrone out of jail 10 years at least, but John Lennon? Peace. Love. Complete and utter bullshit.

P.S. After the first thousand reads The Catcher in the Rye sucks!