Wednesday, December 1

“I’ll take it all!” Area hoarder proclaims.

Heath, OH - Jan and Joe Tellier never imagined they’d sell every goddamn piece of shit they’d set out during Saturday’s yard sale but, unbelievably, that’s exactly what happened. Their garage is completely cleaned out, thanks to obsessive-compulsive neighbor Leroy Johnson and his rented 16-foot U-haul trailer.

“Mr. Johnson backed in his truck, stepped out, and offered us $50,000 for everything.” Mrs. Tellier explained. “We were like, okay ... He even took my car!”

Joe Tellier elaborated. “We opened the garage door at seven and closed it around eight after Leroy loaded the ‘precious’ items into his truck. That’s his word, not mine. I’d have called it garbage ... maybe shit.”

We called Mr. Johnson to get his side of the story, as well as some psychiatric counseling, but as he later explained in writing, he had been unable to find the telephone, it being buried beneath some leftovers from last Thanksgiving and what appeared to be two flat dead cats.