Friday, September 28

Area racist believes black iPhone 5 runs faster.

Columbus, OH – Standing outside the Apple Store at the Easton Town Center admiring his shiny new, white iPhone 5, area racist Larry Lilly said he was extremely happy with his purchase despite a belief that the black version “probably runs a lot faster.”

“I’d have gone with the black one, but they were fresh out.” Lilly said, though a store associate told us that at the time of Mr. Lilly’s purchase there were still plenty of black models in stock.

“It’s probably for the best,” Lilly continued. “I heard the black one doesn’t play the kind of music I like.”

We assured Mr. Lilly that iTunes does not discriminate against certain genres of music as long as the files are in an acceptable form, of which there are many.

“Well, the black one is probably longer than the white one, which can be a bit cumbersome.” Lilly reasoned, slowly walking away. “Look, some of my best friends have black ones. It’s actually the kind my wife prefers."

Consumers, take note. Studies have concluded that the black and white are phones are identical, save for the color of their skins.