Thursday, October 22

Famed IBM Selectric destroyed

HOLLYWOOD, CA - Back to the Future II correctly predicted a number of things about the future, including hover boards and shit, but it got the Cubs winning the World Series in 2015 wrong as the New York Mets polished off the Cubs in a four game sweep last night, which didn’t sit well with one Cubs fan, in particular.

This morning, someone broke into the home of screenwriter Bob Gale, destroying the IBM Selectric he used to tap out scripts for the Back to the Future trilogy along with writing partner Robert Zemeckis.

“We found a puddle of salty tears beside a worn crumpled up Cubs hat.” Officer Paul Stevens said. “It looked like the perpetrator had tried to force feed the hat into the machine before giving up and simply smashing the typewriter to the ground. If you don’t know, a typewriter was a thing people used to create documents before computers. I did some research. It’s pretty wild. It used an ink ribbon to transfer individual letters to the page. If you fucked up, you basically had to start all over. This particular model had a correction feature, however, which … Hey, where are you going? I’m not done with my story.”

It’s a sad day for Cubs fans who are no strangers to disappointment. The majority, though, are convinced the Cubs will “get ‘em next year!" It’s a great day for the rest of us who no longer have to endure “Back to the Future Day” posts in social media channels.

Mr. Gale, too, will be fine, as he hasn’t written a damn thing since 2008.