Monday, June 24

First “Motherf&$@er!” of the day goes to hard-boiled egg.

NEWARK, OHIO - Area hothead, Roman Hahn, 35, took his anger out on a difficult to peel hardboiled egg this morning, calling it a "Motherf&$@er!" before tossing it across the room in frustration, where it bounced off a wall and rolled to a stop in front of the family dog who immediately gobbled it up, shell particulate and all. 
"Jesus Christ!" Hahn added, cursing the sky. 
Mr. Hahn made the mistake of refrigerating the eggs overnight that he had boiled, rather than shocking them with an ice bath and peeling the lot of them right away. 
"I'm so angry right now I could scream." Hahn said right before screaming. 
Before firing the egg off the wall, Hahn spent "a good 6-7 minutes" hunched over the counter, managing only to coax bits and pieces of the shell away from its stubborn membrane. By the time he finally lost his cool, large chunks of the egg had been torn away as well, making what Hahn described as, "a goddamned mess and a complete and utter waste of time." 
"Fuck breakfast." Hahn added before heading out the door for a long, miserable day at work. 

If only Hahn had consulted