Monday, April 22

In ironic turn, author pioneers best-selling "self-hinder" book.

LEWIS CENTER, OHIO — A local author set out to show others how unsuccessful they could be in life if they just followed a few simple rules. What Dustin Blake wasn't expecting was the success of being a best-selling failure.

His tome, I'M A LOSER AND YOU CAN TOO! debuted at #31 on the latest Amazon best sellers list. It's currently the only self-hinder book on the market, not counting Girl, Stop Apologizing by Rachel Hollis.

The back of the book jacket quotes Blake: "I've not enjoyed a lifetime of disappointment. And now I'm here to share how you can be terribly unsuccessful, too. But chances are, you're probably not interested."

The book outlines thirteen easy steps to failure, including such insights as "Always be late for everything." and "Invest in multiple timeshares."

The Ledger interviewed Blake at a book signing at the Barnes & Noble at Polaris Fashion Place.

"Why am I even here?" he lamented. "I mean, would a loser have a book signing, much less a book to sign?" Blake then held his head in his hands, cursing under his breath.

"I don't know how this happened. Shouldn't it be on the worst-selling list?"

An attractive young female approached Blake, asking him to sign a copy. "I can't wait to fail as much as you," she said. Blake then smacked the book out of her hand and screamed at her to leave without making a purchase.

"On one hand, I set out to not sell books, but now I'm selling a bunch. But, on the other hand, by selling the very book I'm trying not to sell, I'm failing, which is what I want people to do. But on the other hand, I'm making money and I don't think that's what people would consider being an abject failure." Blake pondered, wrapping his head around whether or not brisk books sales actually meant his failure plan was working or not.

Your reporter, however, was left wondering why Blake didn't write a book about his amazing third hand.