Tuesday, April 9

Woman seeks medical attention for "resting O face."

CANAL WINCHESTER, OH — Elaine Benedetto has had it.

The puzzled stares. The furtive glances. The constant fear of going out in public. The shaming looks of those unfamiliar with her unique and chronic medical condition.

"I ... I ... I really wish ... it ... would ... don't ... stop. Oh. God." Benedetto stammered, trying to explain her discontent.

Benedetto suffers from what medical experts call 'Sedentary Orgasmic Orum" or the more colloquial term "resting O face."

Unlike the more common "resting bitch face", which affects 31% of women (and 83% of gay men), resting O face is characterized by flushed cheeks, brow sweat, fluttering eyes, and the telltale wide open mouth of a human in a moment of climactic bliss.

Resting O face affects just under 3% of women worldwide and less than 1% of men. O face, as defined by Urban Dictionary is "a term used in the movie Office Space to describe the face one makes when achieving orgasm."

Benedetto began struggling with the condition at the age of seventeen.  "My mom had to disconnect our phone. Boys wouldn't leave me alone."

Despite the rising trend in resting O face diagnoses, there is limited advocacy for the condition.  The only known "resting O face" charity group's mission is to raise funds for women who look like Oprah Winfrey to change their appearance.