Tuesday, August 20

Cuomo: "Don't you dare compare our family to The Godfather or Sopranos. Or I'll have you whacked."

ALBANY, NY - New York Governor Andrew Cuomo issued a stern rebuke to those who have compared his family to famous Italian mafia families from popular culture. Cuomo's father, Mario, was the former three-term Governor of New York, and his brother, Chris, is an anchor on CNN.  The family is no stranger to unfounded Italian stereotypes.

The Governor in his office in Albany.
"Don't you dare compare us to them. It's not fair. You do that, and you might find yourself at the bottom of one of our fabulous Finger Lakes."

The Governor's comments come after his younger brother Chris, was confronted by a man who called him "Fredo", after the character of Fredo Corleone, from the Mario Puzo novel The Godfather. In the novel, Fredo is seen as the weaker sibling with low intellect and a feeble will who, rather than follow in his family's political footsteps, chases a career in the news media, reading teleprompters and displaying a stunning lack of curiosity for a third-rate news network only watched by those held hostage at airport terminals.

"We reject Italian stereotypes," Cuomo added, flailing his hands about wildly. "Anyone who thinks they can come up in here, to my family, to the family, and cast aspersions on our heritage have another thing coming. And that other thing is most likely an unfortunate auto accident at Watkins Glen or getting-too-close-to-the-railing from the majestic viewing platform at Ithaca's enchanting Rainbow Falls. I love New York! And you can too, provided you don't cross the Cuomo Nostra."