Tuesday, December 31

Jihadist group disappointed in Facebook "Year in Review" Video

WHITEHALL, OH —  The waning days of December often provide a time for reflection on the past year. For many, it's a time for fond memories. For a local jihadi group, it was a social media letdown.

"It was demoralizing to see how little we had blown up in 2019." said leader Abdul Abu-Jones.

The group did manage to destroy an infidel's Tesla Model X, but that was of little solace. "That happens all the time, even without an incendiary device." Jones lamented.

"We burned some godless texts, but we did it a large trash barrel during a cold snap, so no one noticed."

The group also lit up the Central Ohio midsummer night with quite an explosive show, but sadly, it was mistimed.

"We should have done it on July 5th or 6th. I mean, there were some 'oohs' and 'aahs' and some polite applause, but no submitting to the will of the Caliphate. Disappointing."

Abu-Jones declined to share the video to his wider friends network, instead only posting it on the private Facebook Group, SHHBOOM! (Stay at Home Husbands of Bexley Working Moms.)

Fellow cell member Hamzi Al-Abedi tried to access the video via his mobile phone but accidentally detonated a nearby IED, killing himself.

Abu-Jones was happy to note that at least next year's video will start with a bang.