Sunday, February 23

Neighbors still celebrating Lazy Orthodox Christmas

NEWARK, OH — According to a certain rodent from Pennsylvania, spring is just around the corner. The calendar is in the waning days of February. Saint Patrick's Day is on the horizon.  But none of those facts have deterred the Jennings family at 842 Oak Court from celebrating the little-known Lazy Orthodox Christmas.

Most Orthodox Christmas celebrations often begin and end within the first week of January, several days after the more common traditional Christmas. However, Lazy Orthodox—a splinter group of Eastern Orthodox Christians—rather than celebrate a week or two after December 25, tend to continue celebrating well into the third month of the new year.

For followers of this obscure faith, their trees may remain up, and outside decorations may still prevail long after the last winter snow, or the first buds on trees emerge.

For the Jennings, those still-prevalent ornaments and long-since-fallen-over grapevine deer are a testament to their unyielding faith. To others, most notably their immediate neighbors, it's an eyesore.

"I don't think it's real. I think it's crap. They just are too busy sitting around on their fat asses to take down their lights." shrugged next-door neighbor Nan Wheatley.

The Jennings take offense at those who don't believe that they believe.

"Baby Jesus wasn't even born in December.  Shepherds don't keep their flocks in the fields in December. He most likely was born in the summer or fall. You can tell Nosy Nanny Wheatley that Yukon Cornelius blow-up will be gracing her front-porch view until Labor Day!"