Tuesday, June 2

Target Corporation mulling over name change.

MINNEAPOLIS (MN) — The recent wave of nationwide rioting and looting in the wake of the tragic murder of George Floyd has one retailer rethinking their brand.

Target Corporation, whose department stores have been the, um, well, target of wanton destruction and theft in their hometown of Minneapolis and several other locations across the nation, is considering drastic steps to overhaul the company's iconic name and logo.

Also caught in the midst of a viral pandemic, Target executives have been virtually meeting via Zoom calls to determine the rebranding's next steps.

"We put a gosh dang bullseye right on the front of the store! It's like an open invitation!" asked a clearly shaken Brian Cornell, CEO of the United States' 8th largest retailer. It was unable to tell whether Cornell was overtaken by emotion or simply had a poor wifi connection.

Several names are in consideration, but an early frontrunner is an unwieldy but to-the-point Mess With Us and We'll F**king Kill You!

"Let's just say it sends a message that our previous name was unable to convey," said Executive Vice President, Chief Marketing, Digital and Strategy Officer Rick Gomez.  "And instead of the trademark bullseye, we are kind of hovering around a stylized middle finger."

Gomez continued: "It certainly spices up conversation and is memorable." He then put a fluffy teal scarf on and assumed the identities of two millennial women mid-discussion. "Oh, where did you get that cute scarf? ... It's soooo cute, isn't it? I got it at Mess With Us and We'll Fucking Kill You!"

As of press time, there was no indication of the timeline for the official unveiling of the new brand.