Tuesday, February 21

Latest Hi & Lois enrages comic strip fundamentalists.

New York, NY — (AP) A planned demonstration against unfunny comic strips, most notably Hi & Lois, turned violent as protesters set the King Features Syndicate Seventh Avenue headquarters ablaze. King, a worldwide comics distributor, is responsible for the comic strips deemed the least hilarious by the rioters.

"Comic strips are supposed to be funny. This blows!" one protester yelled, holding aloft the latest Family Circus. "I don't care if 'Billy' drew it, Bil Keane can go straight to hel!" Another added "This all started when Tom Batiuk fucked up Funky Winkerbean. Breast cancer? Look at me, I'm not laughing!"

A group known as People Imbued with a Sense of Humor have claimed responsibility for instigating the mob. They have also communicated that more demonstrations are likely. PISH's frontman — former stand-up comic sensation Marc Price (known for his hilarious portrayal of Skippy Handleman on the sitcom Family Ties), has issued a funwah, demanding the collective heads of Greg and Brian Walker, creators of Hi & Lois:

"...anyone who likes to laugh and be entertained by the comics section of your local newspaper — you are called to a higher duty — you are called to behead and slaughter those infidels responsible for the offense given to those of the comedic faith. Gallagher Akbar!"
"It takes TWO of them to crap out this stuff?" spat a protester who asked to be identified as Jon Davis. "It's like that piece of shit one-panel The Lockhorns — I'd love to strap on a bomb belt and teach Bunny Hoest a thing or two about marital unrest!"

An effigy of Woodstock was also burned during the violent demonstration.