Tuesday, February 21

Sex definition not yet worthy of hipster lexicon.

Heath, OH — A local man is irritated that his sexual definition hasn’t made it into the national subversive sexual acts glossary.

“Ask anyone to describe a ‘Dirty Sanchez’ or 'Rusty Trombone’ and they’ll all tell you the same thing,” said Timothy McKenna, a part-time auto parts trader. “All I want is for my definition, 'Creepy Uncle Raymond,' to be mentioned in the same sentence as 'Blumpkin,' 'Arabian Goggles', or even the ubiquitous 'Cleveland Steamer'." McKenna droned while staring blankly out the window.

According to McKenna, a “Creepy Uncle Raymond” is when you get violently sodomized by your uncle Raymond as he holds a gun to your neck.

“I keep dropping it at parties and on dates and stuff, but it never sticks,” said a visibly disappointed McKenna. “I do get hugged a lot, though.”