Monday, March 27

Mustache creating a furor.

Heath, OH — A local florist wishes people would stop criticizing his mustache and focus on what he’s really all about: putting together amazing, contemporary floral arrangements.

“It’s getting old,” said Gil Thelen, owner of Blossoms in Heath. “If I hear one more person say, ‘you know Hitler wore that same mustache,’ I’m going to throw hydrangeas.”

Negative facial hair comments aside, Thelen says business couldn’t be better. “I’ve got tons of guys coming in, which is weird, and they’re buying up all my daring arrangements,” Thelen said. “A lot of bald guys, actually.”

Jake Rancor, founder of Aryan Nation, said Thelen’s mustache actually drew him into the store. “I saw this skinny, queer-looking guy arranging flowers with his back turned and I remember thinking how I’d like to beat his ass…then he turned around. He went from an enemy to a brother in arms in about a second. I marched in and bought a spring arrangement.”

Thelen says his choice is driven by genetics, not politics. “All I’ve got hair-wise is a small patch that grows nicely just under my nose. Personally, I’d love a full goatee like that Latin guy on Desperate Housewives but it’s not going to happen,” said the florist, while rubbing his hairless chin.