Friday, April 14

Hard to swallow: the late Julia Child
was bi-epicurious!

Paris, FRANCE - The ex-partner of the late Julia Child has come forward to reveal that not only was the popular chef absolutely fucking gigantic, but bi-epicurious as well.

“That magnificent bitch could go both ways.” Famed French pastry chef, Claude Poisson-Rouge, said. “Left hand, right hand, no matter. She was ‘freaky-deaky’, as the kids are wont to say. Yes, she could really handle the meat.”

Poisson-Rouge went on to reveal—in far greater detail than necessary—the specifics of he and Child’s love affair with French cuisine, and each other. Sweeping his hand across a large cutting board-style table he said, “I gave her the ‘French Legion of Honor’ right here on this table, if you know what I mean.”

Poisson-Rouge also takes credit for Child’s most famous television catchphrase.

“Bon Appetit was actually an inside joke.” Poisson-rouge explained. “Deep inside, if I may say so myself … though it started out as ‘Bone’ Appetit … well, you get the picture.”

Unfortunately, yes, we do get the picture. And this reporter just threw up in his mouth.

Bon Appetit.