Thursday, April 13

Local plastic surgeon thinks
"outside of the botox."

Heath, OH — When Heath resident Cheryl Tremore asked a local plastic surgeon to use some tissue from her buttocks to fashion a permanent “skin visor” over her eyes, his only concern was whether it should be curved or straight.

“We both agreed if it was too curved her brow would end up looking like a rush chairman's Abercrombie hat,” said Dr. Morton Strapp, MD. “In the end, we split the difference and went with a modernized Pre-Cambrian look."

Doctor Strapp said he still does a lot of breast augmentations and routine nose work, but that’s not where his heart is. "I like the dreamers. The ones with imagination...they keep things interesting. Besides, who am I to tell a respected lawyer that he can't have a decorative, 36-inch waddle?"

Other clients of Dr. Strapp, such as Heath Chihuahua breeder Pete Tomlinson, also appreciate Dr. Strapp’s willingness to push the envelope. “All I wanted was some teats running down my belly so I could…you know…feel more connected to my litters,” said a beaming Tomlinson while running his fingers across two neat rows of fleshy teats. “Obviously, they don’t work, but the dogs don’t know that. They’ve actually spiced up my marriage.”

When asked what upcoming surgeries were on the books, Doctor Strapp cupped his ear and said, “Did somebody say ‘tail’?”