Thursday, January 5

Acting career officially in the shitter.

Heath, OH — Failed writer, artist, singer, waiter, barista and short-order cook Walter Fancy could have been a pretender, but can now add “actor” to his ever-growing list of failed career pursuits.

“People just weren’t digging my scene out in LA, they weren’t feeling my vibe.” Fancy said from his position in the unemployment line. “It’s their loss, man. I’m a versatile, multi-talented actor. Fuck those ass-hats.”

Friends say that if “delusional” were an occupation, the 37 year-old Fancy would be living in a luxury high-rise right now pulling in six figures, rather than living in his parents' moldy basement on Joann Court and selling their stuff on e-bay.

“I wish I knew what the fuck color my parachute was.” Fancy finally admitted, breaking down in tears. “Maybe I should go back to school or something. I’ve always wanted to open a surf shop downtown. Yeah. Maybe that’s what I’ll do.”

At last check, approximately 500 miles separated Heath from the nearest ocean wave.