Wednesday, June 7

Physicist dies after massive corollary

Columbus, OH - The answer was right there, staring him in the face for forty long years, hidden between the Bunsen burners and the graduated cylinders. But when he finally realized it, acclaimed 69-year-old physicist Nikolai Whobitchakakov was so shocked by his own stupidity that he dropped dead on the spot.

At least, that’s the hypothesis.

“A number of years ago, this Whobitchakakov-character discovered something of major significance.” Lead investigator Matthew Price explained during an impromptu press gathering. “Then, just before the subject dropped dead, he discovered something he had been looking for that, in all honesty, should have been easily deduced from the discovery made 40 years prior.”

The tight-lipped Price would reveal little else during the press briefing, but an anonymous source close to the investigation has since told The Ledger, “We’re still trying to ascertain what, exactly, the new discovery was. And, frankly, what in the hell the first discovery was. We know it had to have been something major but, so far, nobody really knows. Not even the guy’s wife.”

Funeral arrangements for Whobitchakakoff are pending.