Wednesday, April 25

"All New" FEMA coming soon to a disaster near you.

Washington, DC — (FNS) After the utter failure that was the agency’s response to the devastation of Hurricane Katrina in New Orleans in September 2005, the Federal Emergency Management Agency has outlined plans they believe will put it back in the nation’s good graces.

First thing new director David Paulison wanted to change was the agency’s image. “We headed straight to Landor.” Paulison explained, referring to one of the leading branding agencies in the world. “We saw what they did for Bundaburg Rum and Frito-Lay, and wanted those kind of results.”

New logo? Check. New color palette? Check. And a new tagline?

“It all came down to the line. What’s the line. That was key.”

Irv Nordish of Landor agreed. “Taglines are extremely important … they sum up an entire brand experience.”

After a few weeks of wrangling, FEMA decided upon “Poor? Black? We gotcha back!”

Paulison continued: “Yeah, it’s a little out there, but it basically challenges all of the existing negative FEMA assumptions.”

Landor also consulted with uniform outfitters to help design a whole new standard of dress for FEMA employees.

“We wanted a look that said, we’re here with you, FEMA in da house!, even though technically you don’t have a house anymore. So naturally, we contacted Fubu.”

Fubu’s designers worked closely with FEMA to develop an engaging look meant to reassure potential disaster victims.

Critics, however contend that FEMA’s focus on the Katrina aftermath is too narrow-minded, short-sighted and hyphenated. Persistent administration critic Newman Holyander asks “What happens after devastating tornadoes hit Stillwater, Oklahoma, and FEMA waltzes in in their baggy jeans, hoodies, and grillz? Huh?”