Monday, April 16

Congress votes to cut off funding for South Dakota

Washington, DC — (FNS) Citing several recent indications that the situation on the ground in South Dakota was rapidly deteriorating, the newly elected Democratically-controlled Congress voted to cut off funding for the embattled forces of South Dakota.

"This war has to end." declared House Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-CA), as she tallied the last remaining votes, "and this is the only way to end it."

Many members compared the struggle in South Dakota to that of Vietnam, which, in 1975, the United States Congress voted to end assistance to the South Vietnamese government, thus enabling the eventual domination by the Communist North.

John Cornyn, (R-TX), lamented the decision. "It won't be long until we see the last helicopter lift off from Pierre."

The vote fell predominantly along party lines, with a few dissensions on each side.

Dakota war protesters outside the Capitol cheered the decision. Said one:"I don't believe geography should divide us, I believe in one Dakota."

Whether or not this move could affect further aid and funding to South Carolina, and perhaps West Virginia, most representatives were evasive. "We're not here to set a precedent. We're here to make sound legislative decisions. Look at the polls, listen to the news. This thing is unwinnable ... we’re getting our boys out of there." Senator Harry Reid (D-NV) chimed.

As to which ‘our boys’ Senator Reid was referring to he did not specify.

Massachusetts Senator John Kerry's blistering testimony before Congress in January set the table for the ultimate decision. He asked the now-famous question "How can you ask a man to be the last to die for a mistake?" He also said "There's a reason they call those hills the Badlands ... they’re bad … lands. Totally.”