Monday, April 23

Report shows thin-skinned most likely to feel victimized.

A new report released Thursday illustrates how the thinnest skinned among us often take the most offense and feel the most victimized in society.

Study manager and Ohio State University Bio-psychologist Gerry Turgeon elaborated that the physical thickness (or lack thereof) could be used as a leading determinant in determining a determination about a subject’s overt sensitivities.

“People who lack epidermal density tend to be those most easily offended by jokes, off-color commentary, or fake news.”

That landmark correlation is also under study at several other major universities around the globe.

“My skin is extremely thin, almost translucent.” study participant Debbie Abernathy said.

Abernathy also remarked that it feels as if people can ‘see right through me’ and that has her deeply concerned, even to the point where she feels ‘targeted’ wherever she goes.

Abernathy, a local bait shop employee, then continued — her eyes darting around the room — “What did you just write? Are you taking notes? It says bait shop employee … is that important to your story? Do people really need to know that? Why are looking at me? What’s wrong with my eyes? Darting? What the hell does darting mean?”

Our skin here at The Ledger? Rhinoceros hide.