Friday, May 4

Area man will say “just about anything” during sex with deaf girlfriend.

Heath, OH — It took having a deaf girlfriend for Mark Jones to finally open up, to finally feel comfortable talking dirty during lovemaking sessions.

And, yes, saying “lovemaking” did just gross this reporter out.

Despite the fact that his girlfriend can’t even read lips, the gift of “fuck-speak” didn’t come overnight to Jones. It didn’t just suddenly “click” and go from the subdued “oh, yeah, that’s it” to a more emphatic “take that, you dirty whore.” His development was more progressive, getting better and more adventurous with each successive, confidence-building blowjob or lay.

“At first, I was all ‘you like that? Huh?’ and ‘Who’s your daddy?’” Jones confessed. “And I did it all hushed and whispery, like she could hear me or something. What an idiot. Now, I’m like, well, take last night for example, I called her Colonel Sanders and asked if she wanted the white meat—in the ass ... I’ve grown a lot.”

Having a deaf girlfriend, it seems, really is all it’s cracked up to be. Until you cheat on her with someone who can hear and blurt out some really freaky shit, that is.