Tuesday, May 22

“See if I ever loan you a cup of sugar again!” tops list of funny things said after discovering affair.

Newark, OH – The residents of a bucolic Newark neighborhood still talk about the day last November when Margaret Sanderson came home early from work find her husband Joe dipping his “finger” in Jane McHenry’s cookie jar.

“Margaret was heartbroken.” Neighbor Joyce Sistrunk explained. “She and Jane were baking pals—cookies, cakes, everything. They’d borrow things from each other as needed—butter, sugar, eggs. I guess this one time Jane was borrowing some of Joe’s protein-enriched semen …”

In a national competition, “See if I ever loan you a cup of sugar again!” beat out the always popular, “You fucking whore, get the Hell out!” And the classic, “Oh, I’m sorry. I must be in the wrong house.” A surprisingly funny entry this year was, “What the fuck, exactly, is going on here, Harold?”

“That was a long time ago. I’ve moved on." Margaret Sanderson calmly explained, recalling the episode. "In fact, I’m using sugar substitutes these days." Waiting a couple beats for laughter, Margaret quietly continued. "As I was chasing Jane out of the house I blurted out the first thing that came to mind, that’s all. I didn’t realize Frank would be out there trimming his hedges, Sally would be walking that stupid dog around the block or the mailman would be walking a package up the drive ... I wish I'd never been born.”

The affair has ruined Margaret’s life in many respects, but it’s not without its bright side. Margaret has been chosen, along with 16 humiliated others, to appear in the FOX-Reality television series, I can’t believe I f*^&ing said that, airing this fall.