Monday, July 9

Tulsa resident still upset over that one episode of Friends.

Tulsa, OK — (FNI) Mike Merkle’s love of Tulsa is unmatched.

That love was recently put to the test when local CBS affiliate, KOTV6 re-ran a troublesome episode of the hit TV show Friends, and Merkle, home in the middle of the day as usual, caught it while re-heating some burritos.

In that episode, entitled "The One Where Emma Cries", Chandler Bing is relocated to an office branch in Tulsa, Oklahoma. The news of this is met by derision by the other "Friends."

"What the hell does Courteney Coxsucker know about Tulsa?" an enraged Merkle demanded.

Merkle, a lifelong resident, takes pride in his city and his defense of it.

"Funny thing is, I can actually afford a place like theirs in Tulsa. In New York? You couldn't get a god-damned TV camera into one of those closets they call an apartment. That’s clearly a set in Hollyweird." Merkle chuckled.

Others say Merkle has always had a hard time letting go of the past, including things like Pearl Harbor and court-mandated child custody decisions.

“Come to think of it, Rhonda had a real problem with Tulsa, too. That’s why they moved to Dall-ass. What a bitch!” Merkle continued, “I wonder if Danny is in Little League?"

Merkle’s passion for Tulsa tends to overwhelm all who endure his presence. Sometimes, co-workers and acquaintances say that passion goes too far.

“Tulsa’s pretty cool, but it’s not the best. I’ve been to Oklahoma City, and that place is nice, too.” Said Shelby Hargrove, a fellow employee at Robertson Tire.

Upon hearing Hargrove equivocating between the two Oklahoma cities, Merkle flew into a spittled rage.

“Tulsa kicks Oklahoma Shitty’s ass!” Merkle cried, pounding his fists on the countertop.

Hargrove proceeded with a giant eye-roll and a ‘whatever’ before leaving the break room.

“I think the real problem is he doesn’t have any Friends of his own.”