Wednesday, May 27

Area man holds closer tiny dancer.

Columbus, OH - On Friday afternoon, local construction worker Emilio Sanchez took his usual stage-side seat at The Dollhouse, Ohio’s Premier Gentlemen’s Club, amidst the standard collection of sad-sack societal misfits stuffing stained singles into soiled G-strings.

Just after finishing the second of his required two-drink minimum, Tiny Tina, a one-night only special guest of the club, took the main stage to thunderous applause.

Mr. Sanchez, it seems, could barely contain himself. He immediately raised a wad of bills to get Tina’s attention. And when she rolled over to him, he whispered something into her tiny ear, held her closer, lifted her off the ground, and proceeded to stuff currency into her “costume,” touching Tiny Tina’s titties in the process.

Inadvertent or otherwise, ‘titty-touching’ is a definite no-no in most topless establishments, The Dollhouse included.

“Mr. Sanchez overstepped his bounds trying to get closer to Tiny Tina.” Club spokesman Sal Giovanni explained. “We have a strict no-touch policy here. He had to be immobilized quickly so as to prevent others from getting similar ideas.”

Sanchez, who lost a couple teeth in the altercation, tried to explain.

“You learn something new every day.” He said. “Today I learned two things ... I have a midget stripper fetish and I can really take a punch.”