Wednesday, June 10

Local high school graduate believes he’s actually accomplished something.

Westerville, OH – Westerville Central graduate Colin Thompson is on top of the world. Last Saturday, he was among 125 who took the stroll across the stage in cap and gown to receive his high school diploma, an incredible achievement if this were 1952.

Laughably, in 2009, Thompson believes he’s reached the summit and achieved greatness. He thinks he’s fully prepared for the “real world," having showed up to school five days a week between the hours of 8AM and 2PM to chase skirts and put forth little to no effort in the classroom.

It all makes perfect sense though in this, the age of entitlement. Why, there are no losers here. Everyone wins! Nice try and all that. This is the new America, where mediocre shit-bags like Colin Thompson are expected to “give back” because everything they have, including that high school diploma, was given to them, not earned.

Nice job, Colin. Good luck to you. Before you take a year off to backpack across Europe, be sure to get good and drunk at your graduation party. You deserve it. The least mommy and daddy can do is supply you and your underage friends with some alcohol. You worked so hard.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the world, some Japanese kid is attending school year-round, just finished building his very first brain and is this close to discovering a cure for cancer.