Wednesday, June 24

Overuse of Gold Bond Powder disrupts area man’s natural chafe-fighting abilities.

Westerville, OH – John Bonitati loves summertime, with its extra long bike rides and weekend softball tournaments. But it wasn’t always this way.

As temperature would rise, so too would excess moisture, pooling around Bonitati’s privates to create a veritable breeding ground for bacteria and ball-rot.

“I don’t worry about it so much now. Gold Bond has menthol for itch relief, plus Zinc Oxide to soothe and protect.” Bonitati said, reading from the label. “I just roll my boys around in that awesomely refreshing powder - like I’m flouring up some chicken cutlets - and once that cooling-action kicks in, I’m ready to roll."

Chafing is always a concern among men, especially in and around the body’s natural folds and crevices … down there. Problem is, Bonitati is applying and reapplying Gold Bond all day long, and it’s starting to interfere with his natural below-the-belt cooling system.

Doctors have urged him to cut back.

“John isn’t allowing his body time to adjust and adapt to swampy conditions.” His doctor said, ignoring doctor-patient confidentiality. “If he’s not careful, he’s going to have to use that stuff every day for the rest of his life.”

At dinner, John excused himself to use the restroom. “He isn’t going in there to powder his nose, I’ll tell you that much.” His wife complained, rolling her eyes. “He wonders why I call him numb-nuts.”