Tuesday, October 27

Area moving company going out of business.

Columbus, OH - The Stamikopolis Brothers Moving Company (SBM) is going out of business. Stavros and Petros Stamikopolis, owners of the company, are the only two who’ve yet to realize it.

Last Saturday, a seemingly simple one-hour, one-load move across town came in $700 over budget and took a whopping five and a half hours.

“I’d call it a logistical nightmare,” New homeowner Michael Jones said, “but, really, there were no logistics involved. They just kind of threw all the shit in there — between naps, of course.”

SBM had earned high praise from its customers for more than four decades, but when old man Stamikopolis died last year and left control of the company to his good-for-nothing twin sons, the company quickly went to “Skata,” the Greek word for “Shit.”

“My daughter and I drove back here to check on progress and make sure we hadn’t left anything behind only to discover one of them had gotten into Michael’s porn stash!” Mrs. Jones said, incredulously. “I didn’t even know Michael had a porn stash!”

“She knows about my porn stash?” Michael asked in shock. “How much does she know about it? Did she see the lotions and stuff? The fleshlight? … Aw, man, this move is going to wind up costing me my marriage, too … Thanks a lot, Stamikopolis Brothers!”

The brothers wouldn’t speak on record about the disastrous move, only muttering “Skata” in unison before hanging up the phone.

Luckily, both have teaching careers to fall back on.