Thursday, November 12

Father-in-Law's hearing problem jeopardizes new matrimony.

HILLIARD, Ohio — A hearing problem is ending the extended honeymoon for newlywed Hilliard resident Keith Hill.

Hill's live-in father-in-law, retired truck driver Earl Ford suffers from age-related hearing loss. In order to adequately hear others, he employs the use of a Miracle-Ear hearing aid. Hill contends that Ford has misheard him on many occasions, and used those misunderstandings to foment doubt in his wife about their relationship.

Ford now lives with the couple after his beloved wife, Hattie succumbed to pancreas cancer last year.

The first incidence occurred when Ford told his daughter about Hill's repeated trips to a 'topless bar.' Stunned by the news, Vicki confronted Hill, who hopelessly defended his recent visits to a Tapas bar.

"You know I love spanish appetizers like puntillitas. You know I love Morejo's on Lakeshore Road"

Ford, seated nearby, then asked "What? You'd love more hos to take your load?"

Another time, Hill, a teacher at nearby Columbus State, was joking with friends about his "upcoming mild semester." An eavesdropping Ford then relayed to his daughter that Hill was "becoming a child molester."

Repeated misunderstandings like these are turning Hill's life into a reality-show version of Three's Company, but without the laugh track.

Hill has made several failed gestures to Vicki that Ford would be better off in a nearby retirement home, putting a safe seventeen miles between Hill's mouth and Ford's faulty ears.

"That deaf moron is screwing my life."

"What? Jeff Gordon is doing my wife? That dead slut."