Thursday, February 25

Area woman has forefather issues.

Heath, OH - Susan Thompson, 52, is not the same woman she was before she left for her two-week "singles" vacation in London, England, according to friends.

She's kind of creeping us out with the stupid accent she's adopted." One said. "Then yesterday she asked me what I thought of guys in powdered wigs and pony tails ... I was like, WHAT?!"

Thompson's vacation was an annual tour organized by the Heath Historical Society and featured an itinerary filled with a variety of walking tours and historical reenactments.

"I have lived, sir, a long time, and the longer I live, the more convincing proofs I see of this truth." Thompson said, we hope to God quoting someone. "God governs in the affairs of men, and if a sparrow cannot fall to the ground without His notice, is it possible an empire can rise without His aid?"

She then pulled a scroll and feather quill from her waistcoat, scratched something down, curtsied and said, "Good day, sire."