Tuesday, March 30

Dear Ann Slanders: Is this Justin Beiber kid a eunuch or does he just sing like one?
                                              — Ron in Granville

Dear Mo-Ron: Having listened to Beiber's debut masterpiece My World approximately 37,229 times, I have discerned that Beiber is most likely an asexual angel sent from heaven to deliver heathens like you the good news of radio-friendly pop. Thusly, he has no genitalia, as that bodily matter was used to form his supernatural vocal folds. Unfortunately, he cops to being "Canadian", which compels me to hate him (and Anne Murray) with the fury of a thousand white-hot suns. And now I hate you too, for asking such a stupid question.

Dear Ann Slanders: Have you seen The Marriage Ref?  Isn't it funny and awesome?
Seinfeld Rules in Delaware 

Dear Whats-the-deal-with-your-idiotic-question: I cannot fathom for the life of me why Jerry Seinfeld is free and clear to salt the Earth with his "funny observations", while Mitch Hedberg fertilizes the soil beneath him. Apparently, justice has no sense of humor. Oh, and neither does Jerry Seinfeld. Next!

Have a question for Ann? E-mail her at askannslanders@theheathledger.com.  Please include your name, city, and lawyer's phone number for future reference.