Thursday, April 29

Adolf Hilton, you were so mean!

By Janice Carothers
Junior, Heath High School

Heath, OH - We watched this movie in class the other day called “Valkyrie” or whatever. There was this character named Hilton who apparently killed a bunch of Jews and stuff because they had big noses or whatever. And there was this other guy in the movie with an eye patch named Tom Cruise who wanted to kill Hilton with some briefcase or whatever. His plan didn’t work. True story.

We learned more about Hilton in class. Apparently, he set up these camps for inattentive Jewish people or whatever, only they didn’t teach them how to concentrate or anything, they just taught them how to wear striped pajamas and starve half to death or whatever. He also did something to give them gas - beans I would suspect.

I think, like, Paris Hilton is his great-great-grand daughter or whatever.

Anyway, Hilton threw a party for these people called “Not-sees,” which I guess were, like, blind people or whatever. There must have been beer because those people loved him for the parties. They were always, like, “Hi, Hilton!” Then Hilton would be all, “Hi!” back to them with a big wave or whatever.

The good news is Hilton finally killed himself with a Braun. I never knew you could vacuum yourself to death but … whatever. Good riddance, meanie! Nice mustache, by the way.

That's it. I hope I get full credit for this or whatever. I’ve always wanted to be in The Heath Ledger .... Or vice-versa if you know what I mean. Heath Ledger was soooo hot!