Tuesday, August 31

Local company experiences wild growth.

Cardington, OH - Stable hands at a tiny horse farm in northern Delaware County have discovered what promises to be the next big (and thick) thing in penis-size technology.

HLH Enterprises, Inc. is now offering their exclusive top-secret formula, which promises to have men “long in the tooth” in as little as 10 to 12 weeks, all for just three easy payments of $1,700.00 if you act now.

“We’ve gone to great lengths to bring ‘Whoa!’ to market.” A company representative said. “Extremely great lengths, if you know what I mean. We’ve also gone to great girths. Wait. That doesn’t make sense.”

Veterinarians aren’t even sure how this new hung like a horse-pill works.

“It works on a basic genetic level.” One of the founding stable boys offered. “Using the horse’s genetic material, we’ve been able to synthesize a blend of ‘Palomino acids,’ which are like amino acids but you know, from a Palomino.”

“That’s right,” Another spoke from inside the corral, lovingly stroking one of the magnificent creatures. “The Palomino color is created by a single allele of a dilution gene appropriately called … the ‘cream’ gene. You women are going to love it. Just make sure there’s a towel around.”

The print advertisement for “Whoa!” features a Palomino’s undercarriage coupled with the promise of amazing increases in length and girth, and the added benefit of a gorgeous pubic mane.