Wednesday, September 22

Blind governor signs on the not-dotted line.

Albany, NY - Thousands of the nastiest, most vicious criminals in the New York State penal system were released to the wild last evening when the blind governor put his ‘signature’ on the wrong line, on the wrong document.

“I don’t know how the ‘Set Everyone Free’ document got into my pile of papers to sign.” Governor David A. Paterson said. “I’ll bet Spitzer is behind this.”

All over the state, inmates took to the streets dancing, twirling with their arms extended like happy orphans from a Broadway musical, raping and killing everyone in their path.

If you’re just discovering this and live in the state of New York, there’s probably a known rapist hiding in one of your closets right now. Don’t fight them. They will kill you.

“This am a joyous day for me.” Recently released once-convicted rapist Keith Bullock said before sodomizing this reporter with the tape-recorder microphone. “I got to be with a girl last night. Ten of them! White girls. Thank you, Jesus!”

“There are reasons the last legally blind governor was in office a grand total of 11 days back in 1975.” District Attorney Cyrus R. Vance, Jr. said. “This would be one of those reasons.”

“I still don’t see what I did wrong. ” The governor said. “Get it?”