Wednesday, April 6

Crematory’s “Sundae" service takes sadness out of funerals.

Columbus, OH - The McLaughlin family bid a sweet farewell to its matriarch Estelle this afternoon, taking advantage of an exciting new special offered by Boyle’s Crematory.

“We are the world’s first 'Ice Cream'-atory.” Beaming proprietor Russell J. Boyle explained, fidgeting with the red bow-tie of his old-timey ice cream shop uniform. “With chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry, plus 15 delectable toppings from which to choose, what happens after the public viewing is the last thing on your mind!”

What happens, of course, is a 2,000-degree sauna.

“Grandma,” Little Billy exclaimed, lifting a spoon toward heaven. “I wish you could come back to life and die again next week!”

Boyle’s is offering a GROUPON all this month — Purchase any delicious “sundae” service and receive your dearly departed’s cremains back in a lovely half-gallon container.