Wednesday, October 30

Man finds dead gerbil in rec room.

WESTERVILLE, OH - An area man discovered a dead gerbil in his rec room last night. Seriously. This is a news story? A dead gerbil in the rec room … big whoop. No wonder no one comes to read this “newspaper” anymore. This is ridiculous. We make Fox News look like a credible source. Stupid gerbil probably got out of its cage in a child’s bed room or something. Maybe the family cat got it. It’s not a news story!

Pardon me? What’s that? Not the rec room? Oh. My. God. Get out! How is that even possible? How do you get it up there? Are you kidding? Sure sounds a lot like rec room, doesn’t it? I mean you can see how I may have been confused. It’s certainly not the first place I think of when I hear “dead gerbil.”

Of course, now it sure will be.