Tuesday, November 3

Virus goes viral.

COLUMBUS, OH – Area marketing guy John Keith, 52, went to work yesterday with the flu, like an asshole, infecting co-workers within a 12-foot radius who'd yet to be immunized from this year’s strain.

You may have seen Mr. Keith in a YouTube video yesterday, at press time up to 4 million views, vomiting in a corridor outside a conference room, losing his balance, launching a stack of papers into the air while spraying the glass walls of a nearby conference room with stomach bile, until ultimately cracking his skull on the slick hardwood to unconsciousness.

The whole incident was captured on film by inoculated coworker Michael Johnson.

“I was messing around with my new phone, shooting video, when John staggered into frame.” Johnson explained. “It was about 2 o’clock, so I thought maybe he was drunk. 30 seconds later—comedy gold!”

Keith is expected to be out the rest of the week with the flu and a concussion.