Thursday, February 9

Former Vice President Biden "totally down" for some extreme Vette-ing.

DOVER, DE — Former Vice President Joe Biden said he's "totally down" for some extreme Vette-ing, provided it's under extensive federal oversight and is conducted in a "bitchin' and semi-irresponsible" manner.

Although he vehemently disagrees with President Trump's Executive Order effectively temporarily banning immigration from seven Middle Eastern countries, he was open to discussing the Vette-ing plan over a six-pack of Schaefer's with whoever is "primo enough to hang."

Biden with his 1973 Corvette styled after the one featured in the
film "Corvette Summer." He has code-named it Dragonlady.
"We could meet at Trump Tower, or the old water tower ... doesn't matter to me. I think my old 'Kilroy Was Here' is still up there. Good times, man."

In 1983 while in his second Senate term, Biden crafted his own Extreme Vette-ing legislation.  He could only shake his head when asked about the bill's short-lived history.

"It was totally boss, but those egghead clown-nerds couldn't get it out of committee, man. I was hoping I could team up with some other rad dudes, but the Senate can be soooooo lame sometimes."

Biden could barely contain his nostalgic enthusiasm for the project and was anxious to see another administration give it a go, even though the Trump policy has nothing to do with vintage GM sports cars.

"A little sweet-ass pinstriping by my friend's cousin Doobie, some Loverboy on the deck, and man, you are kicking ass and taking names ... and numbers, hombre!"

Biden even went to extreme lengths to get his bill additional co-sponsors and attention, inviting rock and roll musician Billy Squier to perform his 1981 hit "The Stroke" live on the Senate floor. Only Gary Hart offered any enthusiasm for the bill.

Biden's comprehensive plan outlined mandatory T-Tops, regular sound system checks, a federal rebate program for glass packs, and a minimum spoiler height requirement.

Biden admitted the legislation would've had zero impact on immigration policy, but just wanted to "make America cool again."

"I was on the phone with Aldo Nova when I found out the bill was dead."